In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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