So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
