nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
