Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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