So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
