he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
