he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
