why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
