Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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