I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize
