Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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