I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
