Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
