You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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