So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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