Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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