he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
