did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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