his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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