Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
