The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
