Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now i know why i became what i already was.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
