I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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