she looked like the before picture.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
