First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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