It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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