I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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