kristin has been a bad kristin
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
