Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
