he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
