everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
