He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
