Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
