you traded sex for a burrito?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
