You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
