Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
