i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bring money and cleavage
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
