Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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