is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
