Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
