conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
