so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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