I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
