i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
