Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
