You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
