I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
