He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
