He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
