Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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