so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize