i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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