So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
