I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
