I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
