Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
