Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
