she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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