Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize