i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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