News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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