i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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