what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
