it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
