i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
