Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
