You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
