Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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