I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina is officially offended.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
