I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
